At first, it was little things. Then it wasn’t.
Then the business got stuck at $2m, profits were thin, and they’d stopped talking about growth — because they can’t talk at all.
This is the story of Dave and Paul*, two good blokes who built a great business — until conflict almost pulled it apart.
*Some information changed to protect identities.
And for a while, it worked brilliantly. But as the business grew, so did the cracks.
- Disagreements about hiring became full-blown fights.
- Conversations about money turned defensive, even accusatory.
- Decisions were delayed because no one wanted to ‘set him off’.
Dave described it as ‘trying to have a conversation with someone who thinks everything’s a personal attack.’
Paul said, ‘I can’t even raise a concern without being told I’m overreacting.’
They were both right.
Underneath it all was stress, exhaustion, and the fear they were losing control of the business they'd worked so hard to build. What’s worse is that it was affecting the team as well.
And you don’t need to go far to see what impact this sort of conflict can have on the business:
(Source: Noam Wasserman, The Founder’s Dilemma) (If you’re thinking about forming an equity partnership this is worth a read)
(Source: Scaling Up, Verne Harnish) (A great book I highly recommend)
Here’s what I saw when I stepped in as an independent business advisor:
- Decisions delayed: Projects stalled while they waited for each other to cool off.
- Key staff left: Tired of the tension, the best ops manager they had walked out.
- Money leaked: Suppliers weren’t followed up on, small errors became big write-offs.
- Energy lost: Most of their energy went into managing each other, not the business.
Worse still, neither was fully honest in meetings anymore. They started bringing things to me privately venting in separate 1:1s, hoping I could ‘just sort it out’.
- Paul was a talker. He believed everything could and should be worked through. He’d yell & shout one minute & be over it the next.
- Dave was a quiet guy. Conflict meant silence. If someone raised an issue, it felt like a personal attack. He wouldn’t say anything but dwell on it for ages.
They were both trying to do the right thing. They just didn’t have the tools to do it together.
Paul brought up (again) that he felt Dave was ignoring an underperforming team member. Dave snapped. He felt ambushed. Said Paul ‘always made it personal’. Paul walked out of the meeting.
Things were pretty frosty for a few days.
I got a text from Dave: ‘We can’t keep doing this. Can you come in?’
From there, we introduced five new practices:
Instead of: ‘You always undermine me.’
Try: ‘I feel frustrated when decisions get changed without talking about it.’
We made it a rule: describe impact, not intention. We also agreed that everyone in the room must speak once before anyone speaks twice.
We made sure that we all kept an eye on our tone & body language. Sometimes those unspoken cues said way more than words.
We set a 20-minute check-in each week. A simple agenda with 3 questions, just:
- What’s going well?
- What’s causing stress?
- What do you need from me?
They hated it at first. Now they won’t miss it.
We made sure the Advisory Board process allowed issues to be discussed but in a structured way. Having the external accountant & me in the room allowed for more robust conversations that they would unlikely have had on their own.
We got very clear on roles & accountability. This stopped overlap—and helped each stay in their lane.
While there was a formal Shareholder Agreement in place we literally wrote down their ‘Conflict Agreement’ at the beginning of their Advisory Board minutes:
- We’ll assume good intent.
- We’ll say when we need a pause.
- We’ll come back to the issue, no matter what.
- It’s always about the problem not the person
And the results?
- Revenue up.
- Net profit up.
- Staff turnover down.
- They have the right people on the team to support the next stage of growth.
- Turnover is heading towards $5m with a goal to be at $10m within 3-5 years.
Dave now says, ‘I still get wound up, but I don’t stew for days. I know Paul’s not out to get me.’
Paul adds, ‘We’re finally having the hard conversations—without blowing the place up.’
Conflict, handled well, can deepen trust, strengthen partnerships, and build better businesses.
But if you leave it too long — if conversations are loaded with blame or left unsaid—resentment builds, and the business pays the price.
If this story feels familiar, don’t wait for the next blow-up.
Get help. Set rules. Learn how to argue.
